There are several topics I want to speak on today. Isn’t it funny, some days there is so much and on others, a blank slate and no amount of pondering brings forward an urge to write. I’ll try to keep on track if possible but if I ramble around, bear with Me. I think that chelsea boy needs a little extension of discussion and I want to say something important about jason and his upcoming wedding and I want to speak about Our wonderful lifestyle and the choice of whether to be “out” or not.
Now here’s late breaking news… right as I was about to hit the send button to post this blog, jason, who I have not spoken to in several months CALLED. As I picked up My phone and saw his name I got those little chill bumps up My arms. Actually he was calling to scold Me for not sending in My RSVP to the wedding yet and I apologized which I don’t do often. I promised to mail it in today and told jason that sometimes the Universe just knocks on your door… and things that make you want to go HMMMMMMMMMMM….
lethrs and finn have both posted regarding my blog about the incident with Chelsea boy, who is way more famous now than he ever wanted to be. cb and I have had further conversations so for those of you asking about his fate, be assured I have not abandoned him. Embarrassing him was not my intent. Because of My love to write about My experiences, those close to Me often find themselves or their actions the subject of pontification in My blog. I hope that I give back as much as I take. I appreciate that they don’t get unduly upset and I think that it can even be seen as a plus, since they have a bird’s eye view of exactly what I’m thinking and also of the opinions of others that write in about it.
So, that said, I want to point out that finn and lethrs both have the same aversion to public display of their submission that Chelsea boy does. finn’s “check please!” is tantamount to yelling “time out”. lethrs turns pale and has this cute little pleading eye contact with Me when he’s getting close to his “public” limit. Their submissive natures prevent them from shrinking from My attention to them but also there is a huge amount of trust between us from a longtime relationship with both of them. There hadn’t been enough time really to build that trust with cb. He also has not had the advantage of online play on IRC. I’m going to veer onto that subject now because I think it’s relevant.
So many people scoff and turn up their nose to the people that have this “fake” experience online and I have spent a lot of time defending the medium. I think that as long as it is not used as a replacement for stepping out and grabbing the experience, that observing and taking part in the roll play and relationships on IRC is good for people that are exploring the lifestyle. I’ll include links at the bottom to download MIRC or PalaceChat.
For some people, actually feeling a whip or paddle, kneeling at the feet of a Mistress or Master and being owned, for so many reasons, isn’t a possibility. IRC and some of the other outlets like yahoo chat rooms or palacechat provide a place to learn etiquette, to observe other submissives and slaves interacting with their Mistress or Master, to try out scenes they have fantasized about in a safe setting. So, it’s not a bad thing and people shouldn’t be criticized for becoming a part of the online families there. Let Me say that it’s certainly not a replacement for the real thing and shouldn’t be used as an excuse NOT to seek out real life experience. For some people, it’s just too dangerous and there is too much at stake to chance losing important things in their life. The personal decision to be “out” is a private thing that has to be respected by all of us. That is why I support NCFS and the Blue ribbon campaign. To support My belief that We all deserve to live our lives how We want.
I used to see a boy named “matt” that was terrified of anyone ever ever knowing that he was a submissive and I believe because of his background (he was Jewish if that matters), that he was quite ashamed of his dark desires.
I was often with jason (this was pre - sue) and it used to really irritate jason who cannot abide people not being true to themselves and being true to their inner selves that “matt” would not “step up to the plate”. Maybe some of it was jealousy but at the crux, jason was disgusted that matt was such a pussy about accepting his desires. I’d like to see jason write on this subject again. I wonder if he has become more accepting of people that have not accepted their need for “deviance”. Maybe after his wedding and honeymoon, he will take some time and write to it. I bet I know how to entice him.
Speaking of jason, finn commented the other day that when I speak about jason’s upcoming wedding that he hears pride in My voice. Pride, yes… pride is what I feel. I am so happy for jason. I miss him but jason knows that I’m always here for him and I think he takes some pleasure in knowing that. I love jason and now that same love and protection extends to sue. When jason and I were together, it was with jason as a “bottom”. I am sure he’s grinning to see Me write that because he knows I HATE that term and cannot abide being referred to as a TOP. Regardless of how he felt about it, I see him as Mine. I knew what jason wanted for a future and My life circumstances could not provide it for him. I always kept that bit of distance knowing that someday he would find his “sue” and I would step aside so that he could have what he always dreamed of. When I go to jason’s wedding, it will be to see him realize that dream. It’s true what finn said, that being a Mistress isn’t always easy. Stepping away so that jason would let go of Me and move towards a more rewarding future was very hard. So when I watch he and sue commit themselves to each other, I assure you it will be with a sense of pride and happiness.
Being “out” in the lifestyle is a personal choice. TES has helped Me to realize the many different ways that we all express ourselves with whatever “kink” we engage in. cb has a right to whatever level of privacy he wants. He is brave to reach out to experience what he craves. It might not be in a way that I can handle but the fact is that he is doing something that many submissives never do and I’ll hang in there with him as long as I can. I hope in time to help him be more comfortable in his own skin. Thanks finn and lethrs for weighing in and I hope cb realizes that his brothers in submission mean only the best for him.
Now, I have to run….. I promised jason I would mail in the RSVP… and it's already late... I waited to two weeks out… tsk tsk… SORRY sue… (hush finn, I can hear you slut!)
Kiss kiss
Ky
Promised links www.mirc.com irc.bondage.com is the name of the irc server. My room is #Elysian_fields.com
palace can be downloaded at http://www.palacetools.com/ dont blame Me if you get hooked on the technology and the avatars and palaces. Mine is Elysium if you want to look it up
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