I am so behind in all My blogs and have so much to talk about that I guess what I’m going to do is split up into several posts. I refuse to write anything else before I get these done so I keep passing up other stuff I want to write about because I haven’t written the several ones about finn and Beat Me in St. Louis or My trip to Houston. I don’t know what My problem is with these blogs because I wrote on the airplane so it’s not like I’m faced with blank pageitus. I even thought about seeking “motivation” from a Dom that scares Me but I couldn’t find one that did so I gave up on that. Blech.
Anyway, on this Sunday morning I sit down in My clean house that andrew came over and cleaned from top to bottom amidst spankings and butt plugs and new thongs chaffing his ass, I have put on a pot of coffee and settled Myself on My couch in the cool air of the air conditioner blowing in the background (can you say cha-ching) I’m going to get these blogs written. I’m going to just type them out the way I wrote them fresh from the events. I can always comment on them later. At least that is what I’m telling Myself. I am also NOT going to pop on to MIRC and bondage.com and chat at people. Well, I might just PEEK in…..
Concerning My weekend with finn… at Beat Me in St Louis
Thank the Universe; I did a story board of the blogs I wanted to do about this trip to St. Louis on my way home on the plane. I must give the disclaimer that I am in a total blissful and worth every bit of it state of exhaustion. I was waking up early because of my damnable internal clock that must have been set by some vengeful and sadistic past Dom in My pre-Domme days. I was also grabbing every moment of Dungeon, workshop, peer chat and slave bossing around time that I could shovel into this mini weekend jaunt to Beat Me in St Louis. But I had a GREAT time
It was great to see My ever faithful slave finn. Did you guys know I’ve owned finn for over 5 years now and even though our face time together is limited we always slide right into that comfortable space together? Sometimes I have to remind him he’s with his Mistress and not running his business or household or family but that’s fun for me. Not so much for him. I can tell you that as he reads that sentence he is mimicking me, “but I don’t care bout that”.
We had an issue on Friday night at the dungeon. I know finn is anxious to read My words about this. We talked of it Saturday on our way back from his home. He took me on a beautiful tour of the home he built on the bend of the Missouri river. It has finn written all over it and it has a perfect dungeon in it going to to waste as a sprawling storage room. I found Myself making notes of the strongest overhead support beams and how a spanking bench could be positioned so I could still see the beautiful woods and river outside. In the elevator, yes, I said elevator, I thought how it would serve as a most perfect corner and time out space. It’s a great house for a party and what a party it would be. When he first asked me if I would visit his home, I expressed thoughts that I wasn’t sure with all the workshops and the fact that I felt that his home was his wife’s domain with him and that I felt a little like an invader visiting there, he reminded Me how I told him that it was important that he meet My two children and know of My family. I said I did remember that and he said, “Well, this house IS my kid”. I agreed with his thoughts on that and thus the visit and tour of the waterfall outside with the vanishing fish and his beautiful trees that he’s forever watering and last but not least, My contribution to the landscaping, daisies.
On the way home he asked if we could speak about his behavior in the dungeon the night before when I put clothespins on his nipples. They were coated with rubber and finn reacted as though I’d just rolled them a vice. “Fuck that hurts!” he said, glaring at Me. I raised an eyebrow to have gotten this reaction from him and gave him a look that clearly said, “yes and?” That’s when I noticed finn wasn’t just reacting to pain; he was also really really pissed off. I forgot to tell finn this during our talk but when I saw his face and even later when I thought of the situation, that I immediately thought about something jason used to say to Me, “I never think it was a good scene, unless I get pissed off at least once.” Jason will testify to the fact that I always make sure he gets his wish.
I must also confess that as soon as I see that anger, a perverse wicked gleam of pleasure rolls over me. I love combat and I love it even better when my opponent is neatly tied up, collard and chained. I have no problem taking advantage of every leg up and doing so all the while in a blissfully wicked stat of gee and “Come on, make My day” kind of attitude. So, having said that about My sadistic nature, let Me offer this opinion about My finn which also fits with other submissives and slaves and I’ve been involved with. There seems to be some kind of pride they take in not safewording. I patiently explained that getting pissed off and giving Me a killer, nasty glare that soon turned into a stony chill, really didn’t achieve his desired conclusion which we assume was to 1) get me to stop doing whatever I was doing and 2) not do it the future. Instead, his reaction fed that sadistic greedy monster that growls and demands, “more of that, give Me more of that!” It’s way more effective to say “stop”, which since he and I don’t play that way, really does work as a safeword. He said that the incident ruffled his trust in Me and wasn’t I worried about it. When he said that to Me, instead of worrying about our relationship, I wanted to smack his head like the girl in the V8 commercial. I was thinking of his trip this past year to a Pro-Domme which he didn’t tell Me about in advance and whom My nopainloving slave allowed to put heavy gauge needles in his chest. I thought to Myself, “I’m supposed to worry about pinching your nipples too hard even though you clearly didn’t like that when you let some Domme puncture your skin like a football? I don’t think so.” So, I wasn’t really worried about his trust and I think after about five years of training him and bringing him out of the closet to play in public with Me that he can get past this “clothespin distrust” this time. I am really proud however of the fact that he put his thoughts to words so we could talk about them. For finn, that was proof that his training shines through.
Now I want to make a few statements not really aimed at finn but to other slaves/bottoms I have had relationships with. A slave, facing a situation where a safeword is necessary has to make a decision. How bad do they hate what it happening? Have they stepped out of the consensual playtime to a place where they are looking for escape? Do they really think that taking more than they are capable of will raise their importance in the face of the Dom they are interacting with? I remember once, after having watching a VERY intense scene with Blair and puppy, someone asked puppy if he was a masochist and he answered no, that he just wants to satisfy the need of Blair to cause pain and that he wanted to give Her as much of that as he could. For Me, and this statement is for Me alone because every Dominant has their own unique needs, I don’t want that. To Me, it says the slave is trying to control Me and I’ll just get pissed off. I’m fine just tooling around in My sadistic skin. Not safewording is going to bring on anger or temper tantrums from the slave I’m interacting with and are not going to step up the game plan. A safeword will. So, if a slave wants whatever it is to stop, they need to suck it up and safeword.
Back to finn now, I have to say that he is stubborn as a mule so if you see him walking around wincing as his shirt rubs against his nipples, you can give your head a knowing shake and you can also know that ‘m perfectly fine with his decision. Other than that little hiccup, our dungeon time went well until on Saturday night, two wrestling brats all dressed up in pigtails and school girl skirts and ankle socks, rolled into My feet just as I fell into a rhythm with My singletail. I just came off My DM shift so I was a little miffed that there were a couple of previous Dungeon Masters which DM’d with Me on My shift watching the scene and quite delighted at the sight. I admit it that I Myself might have enjoyed it had they not encroached on My dungeon time and space. My boy and I don’t get that much dungeon time together so I’m a little protective with those precious moments of headspace and subspace lost. We took a break and went back at it later which was fine.
One of the reasons I go to St. Louis beside the fact that I have a fucking great time with some great people is to meet people that will be interacting with My property in BDSM Scene. As I said our dungeon time is limited and not really enough to satisfy his hunger. I hope to meet men and women that will bet to know me and finn and who can keep an eye out for him. I also want to meet Mistresses that might be candidate to enjoy his precious submissive ass self. I met a new Domme that is new to the scene and who I really clicked with. When she came into the dungeon, My head snapped to check Her out. I have learned that when the Universe is pushing me to notice someone that it is just best that check it out. If I resist, it just manifests some other way and not always pleasant. I asked for an introduction and I watched Her play with her boy. I was impressed and finn was a little scared. We spent some really great time talking to each other and I loved the way she was so unassuming and readily admitted that She was learning. I was impressed at how creative She’d been in putting together a toy bag with precious little cash and pffffft at Her apologetic manner in how sparse it was. I’ve had to put new toy bags together from scratch before and I know just where She’s coming from. You haven’t heard the last of Her in this blog because not only do I think She will be a trustworthy Mistress for finn to interact with, I find Her fun and entertaining and will mentor Her in whatever way I can. I think that is important for more experienced Dominants to do with newcomers to the scene.
Finn took Me to the airport on Sunday and dropping Me off is always a tearful time. It’s hard to leave him. It really is. The upside is that I always have a great time with him and the farewells are hard but worth the time spent together.
I do love you slut….
Kiss kiss
Ky
