alone tonight

You know... sometimes it really is good for you to just be alone and not really have anything to do. It is so important for My psyche that I really should just SCHEDULE it because if given the choice I will always choose the company of others. I am such a social creature. I have also been needy for the quiet company of a slave. Not one that I have to entertain and make it "worth their while" to be with Me, but just truly slavelike and all about Me just to be "around" sitting at My feet while I watch a movie or write and give Me a massaage or bring Me tea. This is not to say that I dont like the sound of chains being yanked as cold steel runs down the back of a properly bound slave or the sound of leather slapping against bare skin... it's just that I don't want to feel obligated to DO IT TO THEM.

Besides that, it's really interesting also that I have found such a comfortable place with this wonderful Brazilian and that I feel very lucky to have Him.

A good friend of Mine asked Me if I had room in My life and heart for My slaves. I had to really think about that because I think sometimes that finn feels he should or at least wants Me to have more time for him but aside from the fact that I DO spend a lot of time talking to him, thinking about him it's just a natural state for Me to have a slave or several slaves in My life. The wonderful relaxing fact is that Charles understands all this and it's all good with him. The chambers I have set aside for the different people and their roles in My life all exist on their own but also fit together to make the puzzel of My life come together in a way that makes Me happy. I mean.. they ALSO irritate Me sometimes but even that is a really great thing.

I do realize that I can be a complex person but I really do like all the different people inside Me. I spend quite a bit of time letting all the different people inside Me have their turn at bat. The little girl, The writer, The actress, The Singer, The MOther, The Wife, The Mistress, The Dominatrix (notice I separated MIstress and Dominatrix), The Planner Organizer, The layout artist, The Activist. I mean look at that.. there is a LOT of people inside for Me to take care of. Geezus it make Me tired looking at that to the point that I want to say.. "Oh that poor Person must really be tired dealing with all that.." then realizing OH I AM that person.. lol