This particular subject is one that I hope you will comment on. I am looking for commentary and although private emails are appreciated, this blog is supposed to be an open forum so that others may share. Thefungeon.com message board is there on yahoo groups which is My preference and I will open a thread on this blog topic. If you must, you may comment here or even still email Me personally but I foreworn you that I will copy and paste it to the message board.
Charles has a mantra that sometimes drives Me crazy and caused a HUGE disturbance the first time he said it to Me until I realized it was a translational and cultural difference. He says to Me when he’s managed to stay a step ahead of Me, “I know My cattle”. Well you can imagine what reaction I had to being referred to as “BOVINE” in any sense of the word ( stop laughing right now finn!) but regardless, in this topic today, I find it to be most appropriate for both sides of the Dominant/submissive fence, or should I say pasture. It means that he knows “his” people well enough to be able to predict how they will react to situations and the skill is an absolute must for a Dominant and a very good survival skill for a submissive.
I certainly failed at that last night with a boy that has brought many a smile to My face and as lethrs was trying to console Me somewhat, he asked if maybe I was a little distressed at not reading better this boy that in his opinion was kinky but not submissive. So, as you read on to what happened last night… whether you are Dominant or submissive… ask yourself, “Do I know My/my Cattle?”
Most of the message boards, chat areas, websites that deal with Our wonderful kinky lifestyle are there to allow people to step out from what may be a fantasy and experience the wonder of Dominance or submission in the real world. So very many people, with just as many different kinks or fantasies, are aggressively looking for someone; a partner to commune with. I get messages daily from collarme.com and alt.com from those that meet me on irc.bondage.com and also from boys and girls I meet from being out and about in the real world of BDSM. Their letters are full of what they need, what they want, how they want Me to fulfill their fantasy and then they list all the myriad of things on their “Christmas list” of what they do and don’t want done to them. Here is an example.
“i will always will put You in a great mood ..and will get Your heart rate up from
excitment. ...to me Mistress is the one who will make me see things Her way..and
who will guide me through the dark part of my fantasies and safely return me , leaving
me want it more,, i know Mistress is the one who takes my wants , desiresand my needs into my consideration , Mistress i know for sure Mistress role is to help me discover my dark and inner desires to me Mistress has what is forbidden...., who will release me from the limitations from my life..Mistress, is the one who will make me experience some of this orld excitments............Mistress to me represents everything good in life..and God created me to submitte to he r power.....i am allways the Mistress nstrument of
pleasure....i feel You arethe Mistress who will take me deeper into mysyelf...
please Mistress , leade me to my secret hidden desires.......and take me to
complete submission.”
In this small sample of a message from collarme, I count at least 20 times where the boy uses I, me, my and myself. THIS sentence of his says it all, “i know for sure Mistress role is to help me discover my dark and inner desires” This boy, and he is NOT alone, has decided that he gets to decide what My role as a Mistress is. And in addition to that is totally centered on himself and not Me. I can’t tell you how many fantasies I have endured before I click “next”.
This blog idea/BDSM OPED piece about the irritating way some submissives demand to have their needs met while exclaiming how they want to “WORSHIP” you, has been roaming around in My head for about a week now and events of last night have fit into it perfectly.
A wonderful sweet slut I know, mentioned a leather store in Chelsea that looked like it might be available for sale or lease and because that has always been a desire of mine (I’ll write about those interests in another blog) I decided to check it out. The slut and subject of this blog entry messaged me in the early afternoon, begging to meet Me (We had only been conversing online before now) and since I wanted to see the store anyway I decided to allow that.
We met me at Penn station, and he had a beautiful smile, wonderful sweet eyes and seemed eager to please. We started chatting and I began making an effort to put him at ease and establish a relaxed and playful air. he wanted Me to go to his apartment so I had contacted Mistress Jenny to let her know I was going to do that as a safe call. I also called Her from his phone so she would have info about him should she deem it necessary to need it. Even still, to agree to go to his apartment was quite a step when it’s a boy I don’t know or never met in person before.
I was happy and in a good mood and being somewhat playful with him, teasing him a little. We got out of the subway and he started heading for his apartment until I reminded him I wanted to go to the store. he led the way and We walked in the wonderful early fall evening down the streets in Chesea where there were a lot of people out wandering around. I was enjoying his company. I believe it all started when We had to ring the bell to get into the store and because We had to stand outside, I noticed the beginnings of his discomfort. Once inside, I was in My element and was cheerfully looking at the equipment and clothes and toys. In what is so normal for Me, to tease and play, leading up to a “session” with Me, I noticed this boy was getting skittish.
When We left, I began to get a little more dominant with him but in a playful way. We stopped at the corner and he was babbling a little and looking away from Me so I reached for his chin and gently turned it to Me and established eye contact. I spoke to him a little and shushed him, laying My finger to his lips. When the light turned, I stepped into the street and he followed, but he was agitated and irritated. he seemed to want to say something so I reminded him to ask permission to speak which he did and I gave permission. It seems that he did not like that I had demonstrated such Dominance in public. We stopped so I could straighten things out and I let him know that I did not mean to upset him, but that was just My natural Dominance showing through.
He did not like that either and at that point I wasn’t comfortable going to his apartment because I could tell that any scene We wanted to play out was now defunct and would have gone badly. There is nothing worse than a “scene gone bad” and with his attitude and more importantly, the cranky state of mind he had created in Me, was a recipe for disaster.
I gave him the option to abandon the play and he took it. I got on the subway and went home. I was a little pissed off because Charles was ensconced with his friends in Astoria and since I was finished way early, I was going to miss My chance for a fun night in the West Village with Charles. I was hungry and thirsty having obviously missed dinner in the trip to see him. Suffice it to say I was miffed. (finn’s laughing now for sure, I promise you and thinking CHECK PLEASE”
After I got home, I went online to see if finn or lethrs were online, I think because I needed to feel their calming influence. lethrs was there and thankfully lent his calm brand of respectful submission which was like a breath of cool mountain air to My psyche. The boy in question was online and I messaged to let him know I was home safe and to give him a chance to tell Me what was on his mind.
When he unleashed his anger and frustration I was just so surprised. His vehemence directed at Me was intense and accusatory. he felt I had humiliated him, that I was a stranger to him and who was I to treat him in such a way? How could I not care that others that normally see him as Dominant might have seen Me speaking to him like a submissive? he was angry that I had “spoken down to him” where others might have overheard. he thought I understood him and was so disappointed that I really didn’t understand him at all and had disrespected, humiliated and abused him. Every word that popped up on the screen just shocked Me more. Mostly, it just all screamed out, “Mistress how dare you treat me this way.” he was extremely disrespectful in a sarcastic context of “duh, you should have known all this” kind of way. he kept saying I was a nice lady which was the only time I cracked a smile. he was upset that I did not see him and the fact that he was going to “let” me spank him, “let” Me fuck him with the strap on “let” me allow him to kneel and present this wonderful gift to Me for the precious thing it was. I had humiliated him publicly with BDSM. he felt like a lot of submissives that his “gift” wasn’t being appreciated or respected and that he had been humiliated and abused in public. In My opinion and experience of reading people, this seemed a little bit like a phobia and over-reaction to very small nuances of Dominance. If this upset him to this point, how in the world he be able to “stand down” or submit to any REAL control and Dominance.
Of course I do say clearly in My bio had he read it or paid close attention that I don’t consider submission a “gift”. So maybe some of you better go back and read it again because it’s very clear on my philosophies.
A little background, and the very first thing to be said of him although it’s probably obvious to anyone more experienced with Power exchange that he has NO training. He didn’t really know better. This boy is engaged to be married and has little or no experience in the lifestyle. He, like over 80% of the men that want Dominance, leads a very vanilla everyday lifestyle outside of the “parties” that he has with himself. He was hungry to advance that to include a partner. His experience in any kind of submission to a Woman outside of his fantasies is limited but not non-existent. We have a rather long period of chatting but that chatting consisted of very little teaching and quite a bit of his pontificating about what he wanted, needed. I did tell him a little about relationship points of interest with a Dominant Female but I don’t think he heard me over his desperate need to submit. he kept saying last night while speaking to Me on yahoo messenger, “i’m not comfortable, i don’t know you. i thought you understood Me but you don’t.” Again if a dollar went to My bank account for all the “me words” he typed and said last night I could retire.
Now, let Me take some of the responsibility for this meeting gone extremely badly.
I should never have agreed to go to his apartment first. I have been resisting this but the timing and mood was good and I relented to his begging when I should have been more in control and done things the way that would have been best. I am not only the Dominant but also the more experienced at meeting someone for the first time so the responsibility was mine. To meet, have a glass of wine and settle down to speak to each other in a relaxed mode is much better and I know this from experience.
he also does not really chat online in a realm where it isn’t one on one and hasn’t had the advantage of hearing other subs talk and joke about their experiences or even to see how MANY of him there are out there. I really do think this is a jump ahead for the boys that have discovered mIRC and some of the other chat areas. It’s a pre-training and education for what a sub can expect from a Mistress or Master.
I also don’t play privately with slaves with the exception of finn, who was very smart in mixing that private play with things he knew delighted Me. Wonderful hotel rooms, interesting cities and did I mention a masseuse.
I let this boy down because I should have been in better control and not nearly as playful. In My defense when I saw how he was reacting to the small amount of “control” and teasing that I was interjecting, I backed up and suggested we go somewhere for a drink. I was irritated and on the edge of being angry at the disrespect so I was struggling for that cool control that is necessary when dealing with an upset boy. He looked a bit distressed still and I felt that he was worried about being seen in his neighborhood with a woman other than his fiancé and asked him about that with the thought in mind that maybe we should get a cab and get out of his backyard. This didn’t work either so I asked him if he just wanted to scrap this attempt and talk later. I let him know that I could get the subway back to Penn Station. He agreed to that right away without reservation which told Me for sure that this meeting was without means of rescue. With the tone now on such a negative track, to try to actually interact or “play” would have been a disaster. At that point, I took Me and My happily packed bag of “toys” home. I enjoyed packing them before I left home and thinking of the ones he would enjoy most and which ones I would like as well. How sad hmm? An opportunity missed and a relationship on the rocks that actually had promise.
Lessons learned… it certainly isn’t easy being a Mistress.
I invite your comments and maybe we will hear from the boy in question. I did tell him at the beginning of the evening to make mental notes and invited him to write. This is more about the bigger question of expectations met or lost than about him specifically. he just happened to be in the right place at the right time for this blog topic. Regardless of anything said, I'll miss him.
Was turning his face to meet mine, laying My finger on his lips quietly shushing him stopping to “have a talk with him” on the streets of NYC over the top? Would it be to you? To the Dominants reading here, weigh in too if you want to, I’m interested.
Kiss kiss
KY
4 comments:
Thank you kitty, it is comments from those in similar situations that I was curious about. I know the chelsea boy was a little surprised that I wrote about the evening. and I hope you checked out his comments on the fungeon message board on yahoo.
I'm hoping he is able to gather some imformation from the comments.
maybe I'll get a chance to meet you at a TES meeting or event sometime.
I thought the boy was over-reacting! I would have flirted with you, played a little and see where you would take it!
a comment from finn:
WHAT A SHAME
Yesterday was a good day, no a great day! This boy had a chance to speak to his Owner. Once again She played me like a cheap fiddle when She told me it was a little disappointing that her boy had not posted to Her latest blog entry. She knows Her cattle.
This one has enjoyed both of Her last posts. It is a fun time for me to reflect on different times when finn has been with his Mistress in each of the same type of scenarios that have been written about.
The first scenario is lethers in a restaurant, with Mistress Kytherea. finn remembers sitting across the table from his Owner and Her eyes glistening back at him. As She observed a boy with those laser beam eyes, a boy remembers countless times asking “what?” Sometimes She would answer and other times She would just smile, remaining quiet. These are great memories that always bring a smile to my face and finn is confident the memories will do the same for lethers as he recalls them over time.
Secondly and most recently, was the blog about Her first meeting with a boy from Chelsea. finn spoke to Mistress Kytherea and asked Her to understand why I had not posted about the incident as of yet. It is not finn’s intent to badger or seem to beat up on the boy from Chelsea. Any attempt to do so would seem like finn is taking sides. If that were the case everyone knows where my bread is buttered and so could expect which side this boy would be on. She understood and agreed.
But then this boy remembered when it was “he” that was meeting his Mistress for the first time. A boy recalls his excitement at meeting Her, the queasy feeling in his stomach, and the cotton farm that must have been growing in his mouth.
In retrospect, finn thought, “my Mistress is right.” What a shame. What a shame to have an opportunity missed and one that had high hopes from both parties.
a boy remembers Her red sweater that She was wearing when She met me at the airport. She was late (probably from following the people). Her arms were completely outstretched, welcoming me inside of them. It didn’t take me long to get inside of them after seeing the two bumps in Her sweater. This boy kissed Her cheek and She made a mental note with promises to “fix” that. It has been fixed that ever since.
What a shame the opportunity to permanently “fix” a memory in the minds of both parties was lost.
A boy finds it strange to remember thinking about his heart racing the whole time we are in public. When finn is with Mistress, his goal is always to get Her to pvt as soon as possible to minimize possible damage to himself. The uneasy feeling that comes with knowing his Mistress would stop at nothing if She thought Her boy needed a lesson. Turning a boy’s cheek and putting Her fingers to his lips is NOTHING. Her creative methods of teaching would put the most experienced submissive to the test. The boy lethers now knows of that same feeling or at least I assume he does. CHECK PLEASE!
What a shame in his haste to get to a private setting the Chelsea boy cheated himself of the excitement of wondering. “what will She do next in public, in front of real people?” It is surprising to finn that the Chelsea boy would want to miss that.
In a way this boy feels sort of responsible for the meeting gone badly. Even though it is fate and real life keeping this boy from being geographically close to Mistress Kytherea, if more frequent meetings with his Owner were possible maybe She would not be so hungry to meet privately in the first place. I thought, “Have You lost Your mind?” ( No Mistress, this boy is not questioning Your judgment.)
Mistress Kytherea, in Your blog entry You ask for readers to think about if You know Your cattle. This boy can only speak for himself, but the answer is yes. You know your cattle. This boy is fortunate for his sake that he trusted You to know what was right for him. You have spent many hours working with and talking to this one. You’re right it’s not easy being a Mistress…what a shame.
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